Triangle

I guess I'm not that important after all.
When I needed a help, you wont be here at all!
Yet when she is the one that need something, you definitely will be there all the time.
Even when she need nothing, you will always be ready for her.
Too bad in my case, there is nothing all the time.

You still head over heels with your ex, and I'm just a rebound.
You told that she did hurt you real bad yet.., you can accept and tolerate with that. But for me? even when I was just messing around.. you don't even give fuck.
I'm the one that need you. Yet, you fucking ignore abandoned and lie to me.

I'm sure that you treat her way more special than I'm. Why? Because you still Love and care about her! You just stay being with me for taking an advantage.
You only need me when you were bored and you sureneed her all the time.

She is a lot more important than me.
When she is the one texting with you, she get immediate relpy
Me? heck no. You only going to read it then ignore it just like a piece of shit.
Maybe I just have to accept the fact that I'm nothing to you. 
I'm just the one that you need to spare your bored time. 
And she is the one you adore the most and love having conversation with. 
You doesnt even care if she would hurt you again just like before. 
It's just like cheating yourself that you want me but actually she is the one you hope and expected to be.

I'm just a human being, that appear at the wrong time and at the wrong place.
I know that you secretly hope that she would come back to you.
Therefore, I'll be preparing myself from now on just waiting the day that you would dump me just like she dumped you before.

Thanks for giving me a lesson that worth a life regret. Thank you. Thank you for everything 

05/05/2014
    

17 March 2016

小宇

总有些惊奇的际遇　比方说当我遇见你
你那双温柔剔透的眼睛　出现在我梦里
我的爱就像一片云　在你的天空无处停
多渴望化成阵阵的小雨　滋润你心中的土地

不管未来会怎么样　至少我们现在很开心
不管结局会怎么样　至少想念的人是你
我不会把它当作游戏　因为我真心对你

总有些话是不能提　怕你会掉入选择题
我把情感自私的那一面　隐藏在黑夜里
我的爱就像一片舟　在你的心湖无处停
寻寻觅觅一个美丽的港湾　希望不再流浪漂荡

我不管未来会怎么样　至少我们现在很开心
我不管结局会怎么样　至少想念的人是你
我不管未来会怎么样　但我每天都想见到你
我不管结局会怎么样　我想真的跟你在一起

如果你还是没法相信　真的没关系　我会安静的离去

I'm feeling a little peculiar

Till this day, I still can't decide what I want. I do exactly know what I want, yet I'm have no idea what exactly I need. 

For everthing that I've done, I'm still trying to figure out where's the destination that I'm heading. 

Coffee and Cigarette

I like coffee but I don't drink it everyday, only during weekends or sometime.
I didn't drinks coffee for breakfast unless it is necessary.
I didn't drink coffee at night but it doesn't make any different because I'll still stay awake.
I don't sleep at night and I'll drink coffee to avoid eating/taking too much food & dessert in the middle of the night or early in the morning.
I sleep at 3 or 4 am everyday and that doesn't make me an insomniac.
Smoke occasionally.
 

I don't know nothing

Nobody actually look like what they really are on the inside. You don't. I don't. People are much more complicated than that. It's true of everybody. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

I may not have lots of people to talk to. Not a lot of people are worth my time. Yet all the hope I want is, if you stay, stay for forever. If you go, do it today. If you change, change for better. And if you talk, please make sure you mean what you say. If you don't mean it, don't say it.

Maybe its okay to cry. Whatever happens, keep smiling. Just keep going on. It hurt when you have someone in your heart, but can't have them in your arm. Little did you know I adore you most, its not him but its you..
You can't force feeling, I realized. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the one you love.

I don't blame self if one never understand me. But one thing for sure I know is, You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don't stand at the door, you're blocking the traffic.

Alone Together

NO...! I didn't mean to be such mean, okay?!

It just that I don't know why, why is everything have to be so mess up right now?
I can't be sure that if I may pass all the examination that I'm having this time.
I don't wanna mess up this time! I'm dead serious I don't want to be underestimate by anyone around me.
I don't want my social life to mess up with my academic.
yeah.. yeah.. yeah! I'm trying! please just please give me some guidance I need a shoulder to lean on. I might not be the perfect one out of everything but I'm trying to be the best that I could.
I'M trying my best. I am not going to give up. I'M good enough. I still have a long walk. I can do it. I WILL DO IT. Maybe not today, or this week, or this month but someday I will get it.

Day by day side by side I need to surround myself with positivity and nice people. I can't survive in this life with 'your' kind of people trying to bring me down. Yet no matter what happen I'll keep on trying to survive in this universe even with the memories that you have left behind with unfinished ending

I might like you, but please give me some time. I'm having a hard time to define what is 'love'.
What was it like when you are in love with someone..?
How do you know you are in love with someone?
I'm asking you because I'm uncertain whether this feeling that I'm having is love or just some ridiculous temporarily crush.
I have no ideas what are you trying to tell me.
I hope you willing to stay by my heart guide me on discovering this new adventure.

But never mind.. I'm willing to let you go so, suit yourself its your choice
All I can do now is just seduce you with my kind-heart.
I didn't miss the opportunities you just giving up on me too soon that's why you miss the chance of having me. Just Goodbye.

That's the best for now, even its kinda tear my heart a bit.., but I have to accept that you belong to someone else and you aren't the one who is willing to stay with me for a lifetime.
and I don't blame you for that and I accept life's karma what's the best for me even if its really devastated for me to accept the truth
 
p/s: I should have focus more in my study ehh..
and I don't even know what am stressing about now -.-'

Mess up

Time go by so damn fast..
Now that I'm in college, I still kinda sorta have no idea what was really going on with my life
Am I doing it right? Did I made a wrong decision? Did I choose the right pathway? Will I be regret with the decision that I've made? Am I going to keep hanging on wondering what if I choose it differently? I'm full of curiosity..

Some say that college life is  pretty cool and great.. yeah, yeah.. yeah.. I can't denied that college life's is kinda interesting yet it wasn't really 100% all are awesome if you didn't find or associate with the right society/people. Hahahh

One thing for sure to keep in mind while enjoying life as a young college freshmen are.... remember that grades and studies doesn't give a fuck if you are tired energetic smart-ass or some kind of genius genetic mutation. No matter what, grades still differentiate whether you have the potential to become Bill Gates or some lame-ass rich bastard.

Discrimination happened everywhere every-time anywhere you are, just because they said they are opened-minded doesn't mean they really are! It's a LIE. Maybe some of them doesn't really show it and you can't really tell that if they're discriminator or not because they really good at hiding it, which are great hypocrite yet deep sown inside in the bottom of their heart actually THEY ARE JUDGING YOU BASED ON YOUR GRADES, TEST & EXAMINATION MARKS!

Basically my life is pretty good right now.. I got love I got life and that's enough for now. Keep on having faith; we feel sorrow we feel pain but there's sunshine after rain. I'm alright to believe in that.

All I want to say for now is just thank you.
you were mine once :)

Andy Love You Stellyn
ALYS means; Just in case if you'e been wondering for so long.
Thank you for nothing