I don't know nothing

Nobody actually look like what they really are on the inside. You don't. I don't. People are much more complicated than that. It's true of everybody. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

I may not have lots of people to talk to. Not a lot of people are worth my time. Yet all the hope I want is, if you stay, stay for forever. If you go, do it today. If you change, change for better. And if you talk, please make sure you mean what you say. If you don't mean it, don't say it.

Maybe its okay to cry. Whatever happens, keep smiling. Just keep going on. It hurt when you have someone in your heart, but can't have them in your arm. Little did you know I adore you most, its not him but its you..
You can't force feeling, I realized. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the one you love.

I don't blame self if one never understand me. But one thing for sure I know is, You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don't stand at the door, you're blocking the traffic.

Alone Together

NO...! I didn't mean to be such mean, okay?!

It just that I don't know why, why is everything have to be so mess up right now?
I can't be sure that if I may pass all the examination that I'm having this time.
I don't wanna mess up this time! I'm dead serious I don't want to be underestimate by anyone around me.
I don't want my social life to mess up with my academic.
yeah.. yeah.. yeah! I'm trying! please just please give me some guidance I need a shoulder to lean on. I might not be the perfect one out of everything but I'm trying to be the best that I could.
I'M trying my best. I am not going to give up. I'M good enough. I still have a long walk. I can do it. I WILL DO IT. Maybe not today, or this week, or this month but someday I will get it.

Day by day side by side I need to surround myself with positivity and nice people. I can't survive in this life with 'your' kind of people trying to bring me down. Yet no matter what happen I'll keep on trying to survive in this universe even with the memories that you have left behind with unfinished ending

I might like you, but please give me some time. I'm having a hard time to define what is 'love'.
What was it like when you are in love with someone..?
How do you know you are in love with someone?
I'm asking you because I'm uncertain whether this feeling that I'm having is love or just some ridiculous temporarily crush.
I have no ideas what are you trying to tell me.
I hope you willing to stay by my heart guide me on discovering this new adventure.

But never mind.. I'm willing to let you go so, suit yourself its your choice
All I can do now is just seduce you with my kind-heart.
I didn't miss the opportunities you just giving up on me too soon that's why you miss the chance of having me. Just Goodbye.

That's the best for now, even its kinda tear my heart a bit.., but I have to accept that you belong to someone else and you aren't the one who is willing to stay with me for a lifetime.
and I don't blame you for that and I accept life's karma what's the best for me even if its really devastated for me to accept the truth
 
p/s: I should have focus more in my study ehh..
and I don't even know what am stressing about now -.-'

Mess up

Time go by so damn fast..
Now that I'm in college, I still kinda sorta have no idea what was really going on with my life
Am I doing it right? Did I made a wrong decision? Did I choose the right pathway? Will I be regret with the decision that I've made? Am I going to keep hanging on wondering what if I choose it differently? I'm full of curiosity..

Some say that college life is  pretty cool and great.. yeah, yeah.. yeah.. I can't denied that college life's is kinda interesting yet it wasn't really 100% all are awesome if you didn't find or associate with the right society/people. Hahahh

One thing for sure to keep in mind while enjoying life as a young college freshmen are.... remember that grades and studies doesn't give a fuck if you are tired energetic smart-ass or some kind of genius genetic mutation. No matter what, grades still differentiate whether you have the potential to become Bill Gates or some lame-ass rich bastard.

Discrimination happened everywhere every-time anywhere you are, just because they said they are opened-minded doesn't mean they really are! It's a LIE. Maybe some of them doesn't really show it and you can't really tell that if they're discriminator or not because they really good at hiding it, which are great hypocrite yet deep sown inside in the bottom of their heart actually THEY ARE JUDGING YOU BASED ON YOUR GRADES, TEST & EXAMINATION MARKS!

Basically my life is pretty good right now.. I got love I got life and that's enough for now. Keep on having faith; we feel sorrow we feel pain but there's sunshine after rain. I'm alright to believe in that.

All I want to say for now is just thank you.
you were mine once :)

Andy Love You Stellyn
ALYS means; Just in case if you'e been wondering for so long.
Thank you for nothing

Gone For Good

Take a break..
Let's fly to London, New York, Canada, Dubai, Paris, Kuala Lumpur then back to Sabah ;D

January is never good

February was a skip
March pushed and shoved me
April made me grin 
May tear my brain apart
June taught me to remembered and let go
July had me holding in tight
August slipped away from me
September was blur
October was a mess
November left me reckless and restless
December was made up of favorites. Old and New

I don't wanna be lonely, or belong to mystery..
Sometimes it's not always easy being someone daughter; no matter whose daughter you are.
Life is full of screw-ups, thats just how life play out.. Everybody DIES, but not everybody LIVES.
I can keep a key from a colonel, I can stay away from a saint. But I don't know why it's so certain, that the best is yet to come!

At some point for some reason, you may find that this post is kinda sorta pointless or whatever you might think it is. It doesn't make a lot of sense right now, but it will... :]
I barely even can thinks straight! Because I haven't take a proper nap/sleep for the last 36 hours!!! HAHAHA 
There's always HOPE, for the HOPELESS.

Cepumas

Finish my high school on 11/11/11. o.O
pretty awkward huh? what can I say??

Just so you know yesterday was the first day of SPM, and...... I...... screw it in Malay paper 2 !!
whaaaaaaat theeeeeeeee heckkkkkkkk was I'm doinggggg?!!!!
I've already lost >12 marks in paper 2!! I didn't have enough time to finish/answer all the question in section 2 due to wasting too much time in the section 1 !! It cause me to shed a tears after submitting the unfinished answer sheet.DANG! dammit! Why can't I just hold it till I got home?! Fuck Off!
Arghhhhhhhhhhh!! I'm so devastated right now! :/ I would trade my soul just to retake the test! AHAHAAH
But that would never happened in reality. I just had a bad day thats all. Sooner or later it will end instantly.
One more thing! I'm not going to get ceramic braces instead I'll get damon braces. 12/12/11 will be the date I start wearing braces and SPM will be over in 30 november !!

Things Happened

High-School

Last Year of high-school officially start tomorrow :)

Birthday

I never seem to get excited or whatever feeling it is that people should have when their birthday's are just around the conner.. I don't know why, and it seem to be a bit of 'unpleasant'

I'm not saying that I don't like or don't want to celebrate my birthday, it just that there is something kind of bothering me every time my birthday are upcoming..

Since holidays starts, I've been back to my old lifestyle routine which is :
Going to bed at late night or early in the morning.., depend on your own perspective (3am/5am)
And wake up at the middle of evening or late evening (2pm/4pm)
THEN,
At the evening, I'll be having my 'breakfast'  then reading novels until I'm bored
During the night, I'll be online and updating my Facebook then visit/stalking some cool Tumblr/blog and play games.
In the middle of the night, I watch moviess or read my novels then eat my 'lunch'..     
Before going to bed I'll watch the sunrise at the roof of my house ; at late night or early in the morning the view of sunrise from my roof aren't as beautiful as the view of sunset but at least it is still pretty thou..

2010

Holidays been almost a month, and I'm already getting bored of it =/
There's nothing much I could do around this November's holidays, some of my friends are balik kampung, going to their blablabla's house, vacation, nenenene, erek erek, part-time job/winter job. My family?? hmm~ Nothing interesting..

I'm thinking of having winter job but.. not really sure where it's gonna be. By the way, my immune system are getting weaker Lol.. I'm suffering for cold just because of drinking too much cold drinks during rainy days -_____-
 It's kinda annoy when you're on your holidays and you've plan what you gonna do but then suddenly you're SICK!! hella screww!! IT'S RUINs THE PLAN >:(

I thought of going to tuition during the holidays to get my grades up for up coming next year exam and studies.. Pessimistically, when I think twice about it.. I'm kinda lazy to wake up early and do revision about study during holidays.. it just that I'm not the one that gonna studies and do revision during holidays.. that just not me, I'm the one that only going to study or do revision when my parents asked to, when getting bored and for the last minutes of exam, that's me.. :3  

Skip School

Last Friday: skip school
as a return, I get a chance to view a beautiful sunset.. Lol

Life's a scary thing...
Failing.. not being able to help or getting help the one's you love.. not reaching your full potential.. pain.. losing someone.. being forgotten.. height.. clown.. falling into temptation.. God.. loving someone..

If theres one thing that college provides, it gives you a reason to smile.
-Joseph Chung

Things

Now days I saw/see these 3/4 same digits numbers more often than before.. 

    

make a wish every night at 11:11pm =)

want one.. 

September is coming

As you did saw the title.. September is coming, August is leaving. in few more days then all the practical teachers at schools are gonna end their practical period or practical time limit or whatever that you call it in just one more week... =/

Time go by past, passing without telling that the end of year are coming close.. so do the 2nd semester exam. Without realizing that day by day, class by class, skip by skip, there are so many others thing that I haven't done yet before facing the ends of this year.. 

BTW I accidentally heard a song on the radio been played (Saleem - Tinggal Kenangan), and it remind/recall  me of the memories while I still live at Lahad Datu. Entahlah sejak bila juga yang saya minta lagu2 c Saleem tapi yang sy tau semua lagu2 yg mcam tu mesti akan membuatkan sy tringat balik semua kenangan tentang masa dulu2, kalo bukan lagu c Saleem mesti lagu2 lama yg popular di awal tahun 2000 & 2001 dan di sekitar tahun 1998 & 1999..     

 (Makin lama makin cacat english saya -.-' semuanya pasal C.Hxxxx la tu wtf pnya ckgu )

p/s: sorry for those any grammar error and any broken language... i seriously need to improve my English and start improving it now -.-    

Ironic...

Things had change.. 

Just so you know, my English teacher had move or I don't know what.. I just knew it earlier, where we were suppose to had English class with her, not with the guy who can't really pronounce the word 'fog' correctly or he just doesn't know how to read it. -___-  why the hell on earth are the new English teacher pronounce the word 'Fog' as 'Frog' ?!! I was like WHAT ??? what did he just said?!  fog or frog?? Then you know what?.. He continues to read the text from the textbook and suddenly ask : 'you guys know what is frog?'  -.-' nobody answered his question. Then, he continue and say : 'you know.... frog... the one that jump.. jump?' 
what a lame~... I said in my thought. -.-'


About my previous English teacher, she was way much better then the new one. Maybe she is a bit firm or strict, but I like the way she teach us... and the words that she always use; certain-certain, if you know what i mean, chaos, miserable and so on... If I'm not mistaken, one of my friend(the class monitor) said, she had moved to works in the office... huh?? I didn't exactly know what was the reason she had move or where did she moved even why did she move.. it was never been told specifically and explicitly so.. no one have any idea why did she move.. neither do you, but maybe later we will find out the reason why. haha =)


For the record, I like the way my previous English teacher teach our class more than the way the new one teach us.. The way she teach us was way sooo much different then the way the new teacher.. I rather been teach by a strict teacher than having a teacher that was ....xxx.... -.-? hmm~(there's no any specific word could be use to describe the new English teacher). 


Actually, the new English teacher that I'm sayin' about is not really a new teacher for our school. He been teaching at the school for maybe a few years or I don't know how long he'd been teaching at the school, because I don't even care about that.. I did saw him before, around the school but he never teach us or came in our class.. He is a new teacher for me.


Another thing that I want to share about; how do you pronounce the word 'monster'? it is just a simple word isn't it ?? my new English teacher Mr. H.... pronounce it as 'muoser'   
-.-'  wtf

krakkk~.............

Krakkkkk~.............................. ??..............!! o.O My flute just broke =/
I'm having such a bad day, on yesterday (Monday).


After school, my friends & I went to the music class for our practicing session(fyi I play flute) for the school ceremony of best student awards, which will be held on this Thursday at our school hall.


I was at school since 6.40 am-5.00 pm, 6.40am - 1.40pm were studying session then 2.00pm - 5.00pm were our music practicing session. It was quiet tiring, but it's also fun because I be able to participating in the music activities that have lot of excitement.


After practice, we go back home. Before we headed back home, my friends and I went to the Restaurant Selamat to get some food. We take a mini bus to go to Tamparuli town and it cost RM 0.50 as usual. When we arrived at the town, we get out from the bus one by one but, Suddenly, when it was my turn to get out of the bus I felt like  something on my bag were stuck at the bus door. I don't know what it is.., then without thinking of anything I just pull myself out of the bus as hard as I could. On that time, before my foot even touch the ground, Suddenly.....................................


Krakkkkkkk~.............................. o.O??.......!! 
Then I said:'Arghh... what's that ?!


Arghhh.......!! once again, but this time a little bit louder. My FLUTE!! It was broke ='/ 
Without realizing, my flute was the 'thing' that stuck on the bus door earlier. When I pull myself out of the bus it had cause my flute fell from my bag and broke when hitting the ground.(it was a bamboo flute)


Right on the moment, I was speechless.. not knowing what should i said.Then, I just pay the bus fares and headed to the restaurant to get something to eat and back home.


I don't know why this is happening, maybe I'm just having a bad day that's all, or otherwise I don't know what.. and now I'm speechless AGAIN.. 


I'm not really sure about the language that I've just use to write about those above, but yeah.. whatever~ I don't have a brainstorming idea to use high level English to express my feeling about everything, so I guess if you can't understand just leave it and pretend to understand(if you know what i mean) ;P