Triangle

I guess I'm not that important after all.
When I needed a help, you wont be here at all!
Yet when she is the one that need something, you definitely will be there all the time.
Even when she need nothing, you will always be ready for her.
Too bad in my case, there is nothing all the time.

You still head over heels with your ex, and I'm just a rebound.
You told that she did hurt you real bad yet.., you can accept and tolerate with that. But for me? even when I was just messing around.. you don't even give fuck.
I'm the one that need you. Yet, you fucking ignore abandoned and lie to me.

I'm sure that you treat her way more special than I'm. Why? Because you still Love and care about her! You just stay being with me for taking an advantage.
You only need me when you were bored and you sureneed her all the time.

She is a lot more important than me.
When she is the one texting with you, she get immediate relpy
Me? heck no. You only going to read it then ignore it just like a piece of shit.
Maybe I just have to accept the fact that I'm nothing to you. 
I'm just the one that you need to spare your bored time. 
And she is the one you adore the most and love having conversation with. 
You doesnt even care if she would hurt you again just like before. 
It's just like cheating yourself that you want me but actually she is the one you hope and expected to be.

I'm just a human being, that appear at the wrong time and at the wrong place.
I know that you secretly hope that she would come back to you.
Therefore, I'll be preparing myself from now on just waiting the day that you would dump me just like she dumped you before.

Thanks for giving me a lesson that worth a life regret. Thank you. Thank you for everything 

05/05/2014
    

17 March 2016

小宇

总有些惊奇的际遇　比方说当我遇见你
你那双温柔剔透的眼睛　出现在我梦里
我的爱就像一片云　在你的天空无处停
多渴望化成阵阵的小雨　滋润你心中的土地

不管未来会怎么样　至少我们现在很开心
不管结局会怎么样　至少想念的人是你
我不会把它当作游戏　因为我真心对你

总有些话是不能提　怕你会掉入选择题
我把情感自私的那一面　隐藏在黑夜里
我的爱就像一片舟　在你的心湖无处停
寻寻觅觅一个美丽的港湾　希望不再流浪漂荡

我不管未来会怎么样　至少我们现在很开心
我不管结局会怎么样　至少想念的人是你
我不管未来会怎么样　但我每天都想见到你
我不管结局会怎么样　我想真的跟你在一起

如果你还是没法相信　真的没关系　我会安静的离去

I'm feeling a little peculiar

Till this day, I still can't decide what I want. I do exactly know what I want, yet I'm have no idea what exactly I need. 

For everthing that I've done, I'm still trying to figure out where's the destination that I'm heading. 

Coffee and Cigarette

I like coffee but I don't drink it everyday, only during weekends or sometime.
I didn't drinks coffee for breakfast unless it is necessary.
I didn't drink coffee at night but it doesn't make any different because I'll still stay awake.
I don't sleep at night and I'll drink coffee to avoid eating/taking too much food & dessert in the middle of the night or early in the morning.
I sleep at 3 or 4 am everyday and that doesn't make me an insomniac.
Smoke occasionally.
 

I don't know nothing

Nobody actually look like what they really are on the inside. You don't. I don't. People are much more complicated than that. It's true of everybody. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

I may not have lots of people to talk to. Not a lot of people are worth my time. Yet all the hope I want is, if you stay, stay for forever. If you go, do it today. If you change, change for better. And if you talk, please make sure you mean what you say. If you don't mean it, don't say it.

Maybe its okay to cry. Whatever happens, keep smiling. Just keep going on. It hurt when you have someone in your heart, but can't have them in your arm. Little did you know I adore you most, its not him but its you..
You can't force feeling, I realized. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the one you love.

I don't blame self if one never understand me. But one thing for sure I know is, You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don't stand at the door, you're blocking the traffic.

Alone Together

NO...! I didn't mean to be such mean, okay?!

It just that I don't know why, why is everything have to be so mess up right now?
I can't be sure that if I may pass all the examination that I'm having this time.
I don't wanna mess up this time! I'm dead serious I don't want to be underestimate by anyone around me.
I don't want my social life to mess up with my academic.
yeah.. yeah.. yeah! I'm trying! please just please give me some guidance I need a shoulder to lean on. I might not be the perfect one out of everything but I'm trying to be the best that I could.
I'M trying my best. I am not going to give up. I'M good enough. I still have a long walk. I can do it. I WILL DO IT. Maybe not today, or this week, or this month but someday I will get it.

Day by day side by side I need to surround myself with positivity and nice people. I can't survive in this life with 'your' kind of people trying to bring me down. Yet no matter what happen I'll keep on trying to survive in this universe even with the memories that you have left behind with unfinished ending

I might like you, but please give me some time. I'm having a hard time to define what is 'love'.
What was it like when you are in love with someone..?
How do you know you are in love with someone?
I'm asking you because I'm uncertain whether this feeling that I'm having is love or just some ridiculous temporarily crush.
I have no ideas what are you trying to tell me.
I hope you willing to stay by my heart guide me on discovering this new adventure.

But never mind.. I'm willing to let you go so, suit yourself its your choice
All I can do now is just seduce you with my kind-heart.
I didn't miss the opportunities you just giving up on me too soon that's why you miss the chance of having me. Just Goodbye.

That's the best for now, even its kinda tear my heart a bit.., but I have to accept that you belong to someone else and you aren't the one who is willing to stay with me for a lifetime.
and I don't blame you for that and I accept life's karma what's the best for me even if its really devastated for me to accept the truth
 
p/s: I should have focus more in my study ehh..
and I don't even know what am stressing about now -.-'

Mess up

Time go by so damn fast..
Now that I'm in college, I still kinda sorta have no idea what was really going on with my life
Am I doing it right? Did I made a wrong decision? Did I choose the right pathway? Will I be regret with the decision that I've made? Am I going to keep hanging on wondering what if I choose it differently? I'm full of curiosity..

Some say that college life is  pretty cool and great.. yeah, yeah.. yeah.. I can't denied that college life's is kinda interesting yet it wasn't really 100% all are awesome if you didn't find or associate with the right society/people. Hahahh

One thing for sure to keep in mind while enjoying life as a young college freshmen are.... remember that grades and studies doesn't give a fuck if you are tired energetic smart-ass or some kind of genius genetic mutation. No matter what, grades still differentiate whether you have the potential to become Bill Gates or some lame-ass rich bastard.

Discrimination happened everywhere every-time anywhere you are, just because they said they are opened-minded doesn't mean they really are! It's a LIE. Maybe some of them doesn't really show it and you can't really tell that if they're discriminator or not because they really good at hiding it, which are great hypocrite yet deep sown inside in the bottom of their heart actually THEY ARE JUDGING YOU BASED ON YOUR GRADES, TEST & EXAMINATION MARKS!

Basically my life is pretty good right now.. I got love I got life and that's enough for now. Keep on having faith; we feel sorrow we feel pain but there's sunshine after rain. I'm alright to believe in that.

All I want to say for now is just thank you.
you were mine once :)

Andy Love You Stellyn
ALYS means; Just in case if you'e been wondering for so long.
Thank you for nothing

Almost 18

I'm in the process of growing up

I get to do as many mistake as I have to,

I learned from my mistake.

I don't have the best out of everything in life 

I'm just good at making the best of everything that life brings along

And someday, I hope that my curiosity will be replaced by something beautiful 

        

I need fantasy not reality, I have enough reality all this years

I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me

I'm 153 cm instead of 160 cm

Weight 47 kg instead of 45 kg,

I'm almost 18 y/o instead of 8 y/o.

I'm 50% Chinese + 50% Kadazan Dusun 

Instead of 50% Redhead + 50% Eurasian

And I'm Asian  

It's already December.

It's funny how day by day,

Nothing changes But

when you look back.

Everything is different.

It's funny how I just don't care anymore

And I'm just a kid. Who grew up way too FAST!

Conclusion = Time does fly. 

p/s : I'm addicted to 9Gag :P

 

November 2012 is gone

I didn't blog much, or... did I?
As I mention in my last post, in early May 2012 - July 2012 I'll be attending the Malaysian National Service Training Program a.k.a PLKN (Program Latihan Khidmat Negara) and that's one of the reason why I've been MIA. ;P TEEHEE  

Truth to be told... After I participate and join the program, I slowly start to change my perception & perspective about the program. As I've said before, I thought the program was sucks, waste of time, boring and worthless.. But in the end its all turned out to be just fine! It was delightful and fun. Just so you know, I've learned a lot things and gain some knowledge plus trillion zillion of experience about camp life during the program. Not just  knowledge and experience I've gain but I also gain tons of new friends from different culture and background such as Orang asli malaya, Thai-Chinese, Pure malaya chinese, Murut, Bisayah, Melanau, Bajau darat/laut, etc.

 If you give me one more chance to participate or join this program once more, definitely I won't waste it. Ahah!

I won't Give Up

Winter have come and gone

Lost memories grew into trees, cover the doors and swallow the cure HAHA! 

Now we're back to the beginning;
So do the legend begins with a whole new chapter of Life as a Young Adult.
It's a story and no one knows yet.
And I haven't figure out what do I need more and I don't know what I want, don't ask me why. Cause I'm still trying to figure it out what's down this life's journey. I'm just trying to see through all the possibilities that I have even though I'm not the only one that feels the way I do.

Now that I'm on my own, that's all I know. I'll be strong and I'll be wrong but life goes on. I'm just trying to find a place in this world. Ahah!  :P What more do I need? Tomorrow's just a mystery, but that's okay. Because I'm a girl on a mission & I'm ready for upcoming adventure. YEAAAH!!

As you will quickly learn in life; Maths determine everything.
Maths is in beauty, how appealing person's face is determined by the spacing and distance of the features
(eyes, nose, ears, mouth, lip, jawline, skull-structure etc.)
Math is in every shape you see, every physical force that acts with or against you.
Maths is the reason you can download a 2hours movie in 10minutes online.
Maths' the reason every bridge or tunnel you drive-thru doesn't collapse. TEEHEE!  

Give Me Some HOPE

This is the part where DECISION is all matter.

Time go by so FAST

From minutes turn to months..
High school to College..
From 17 to 21.. 

Ironically 

I haven't made up my mind yet. FIS or IT Engineering or Graphic Design ? hmm...

First and foremost, I would like to mention about PLKN a.k.a Malaysian Training Program.
I'm totally screw up!! Arghhhhhhhhhh... :| I'll be attending the program by early next month. JEEZZZZZZ I almost forgot that I was chosen to attend this fricking thing. Trololol
Well.., what more can I do to change the system? Huh? Let just accept it with an (forced) open heart. haha!
Hopefully I'll stay alive during the training till the end. xD
Let it be.. What will be; will be.~
Terima ja la dengan redha, apa juga boleh buat. Hmm..~

"It's Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope I had the time of my life.
For what it's worth it was worth all the while.."

Truth to be told:

I wanna become a doctor yet I'm worry that I can't 'survive' during the process of becoming a surgeon.

I like ICT subject yet I'm concern that it's not what I wish to live with or pursue furthermore;

I'm interested in graphic design but I doubt that it can pay well for/in the future.

I'm running out of ideas! I need an escape from life for a while...

Life as a Young Adult

''Life is a beautiful melody. Sometimes you flub the lyrics, but don't stop singing...''

So.. Here is the part where I supposed to tell you that it's not scary..
As a high school leaver, I've to decide what's my plan for the future. I'm thinking of pursuing my study in medical or art in graphic design.. :]

Life is so unpredictable
I'm not a fan of the UNKNOWN. The UNKNOWN can change your entire life in an instant. The UNKNOWN can take everything away from you and never give it back. Your life can end in a flash before you even have time to know it's over.

I'm dreaming/daydreaming to study oversea/aboard, pursuing further study levels at foreign country to experience different lifestyle and get to know more about their culture.. thus, I can improve/learn my skills & life experience as a young adult by taking care of my own; sort of like being 'independent'... & learn not to count on anyone else But myself. Haha!

P/s: I dreamed of flying away from my home last night. Trololol, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

License

Somehow for some reason I don't have the urge/enthusiasm/interest or whatsoever you call it is in driving. I rather and prefer more being a passenger than a driver.

I don't hate driving;
I just didn't quiet enjoy driving as much as some of my friends are...

Yet the feeling of Anxiety, Panic, Nervous, Scared, Fear, & Worry never seem to strike when I'm driving..
The only feeling I have : 'blank'?
It's not that I didn't have any clue on how to drive a car.. I do know how to drive but, I just doesn't seem to enjoy it. Trololol

I'm done with the license now. :))

Gone For Good

Take a break..
Let's fly to London, New York, Canada, Dubai, Paris, Kuala Lumpur then back to Sabah ;D

January is never good

February was a skip
March pushed and shoved me
April made me grin 
May tear my brain apart
June taught me to remembered and let go
July had me holding in tight
August slipped away from me
September was blur
October was a mess
November left me reckless and restless
December was made up of favorites. Old and New

I don't wanna be lonely, or belong to mystery..
Sometimes it's not always easy being someone daughter; no matter whose daughter you are.
Life is full of screw-ups, thats just how life play out.. Everybody DIES, but not everybody LIVES.
I can keep a key from a colonel, I can stay away from a saint. But I don't know why it's so certain, that the best is yet to come!

At some point for some reason, you may find that this post is kinda sorta pointless or whatever you might think it is. It doesn't make a lot of sense right now, but it will... :]
I barely even can thinks straight! Because I haven't take a proper nap/sleep for the last 36 hours!!! HAHAHA 
There's always HOPE, for the HOPELESS.

Tomorrow Is Christmas

Happy & Merry Christmas Eve everyone :)

But.. as for me... it doesn't feel like Christmas at all... :| maybe;...

Let just relax, lay back, listen & enjoy the songs in the middle of the night/early in the morning.. ;)

dang it! I'm such a hopelessly hopeful dreamer ;P TEEHEE

14th December

Holidays are coming, examination are done for now
After half of a decade stressing, now Its time to relax
Its time to enjoy the holidays, Its time to sit down, lay back on the couch and forget all about high school..
Yet crisis, drama, stress, problems, and shit never seem to need a break.

Sorrow seems to conquer the days, leaving sadness to break the tourniquet
Slowly taken away the happiness bringing tears to the cheek

Lie never seem to be a problem, hiding the truth never seem to be false.
Its all just part of life cycle. That's all

HAHA! I just put on my braces last Monday.. And now I barely even can bite a rice AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA.
Such TORTURED, yet I don't regret on getting braces! TEEHEE :)
Just so you know I take ages just to brush/clean my teeth from now on. HAHA

Chasing the moon

"I'm sorry I'm not as pretty as you thought I'm."

I'm just like any other human beings around the world. I bleed when I cut, I blush when I'm embarrass, I died when I'm death and I live when I'm not death.

I'm a human being not a fucking genius robot. -.- I study/work my ass off  to score ACEs'.., I breath to survive, I crave for OXYGEN not for Money or some frickin' 'LOVE'.
I'm not a saint, neither a santo. I'm a teenage, I learn my lesson as I'm growing up. I dream to success, make my parents proud of me and try to give them a better a.k.a luxury life.

I'm half-vegetarian, I don't eat meat, or drink dairy milk. I don't wanna eat seafood either, yet I do/did eat cakes and eggs. I officially became a vegetarian on 17 August 2011. Why did I became a vegetarian...?? Nahh.., you gotta have to ask me in person to know why. ;P   
Every day I take a risk to live and enjoy my life. I'm allergy to bazillions of thing around the world.

Life is unpredictable, you may plan yet you can't........?? Can't...what?! hmm..~ idk what?!
You probably shouldn't get to know me more/deeper, because once you've know/ get close to me; I'm an angel's devil. TROLOLOLOL 

If you really don't know me; I'm kind..
If you don't know me; I'm great..
If you know me; I'm a vain but honest..
If you really get to know me, I'm MEAN!!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!

Sorry for being such arrogant vain, I won't change my attitude/personality because I'm too selfish for my own goods.
It seems like being a saint neither a devil won't/couldn't really make a things go right. That's just part of world nature. You just have to learn how to act around the society and try not to be fools easily by the human beings. Let just accept the way how I'm.., Don't hate me for who I'm not instead appreciate me for who I'm.

p/s: I'll keep trying to improve my language. :] 

  


  

Cepumas

Finish my high school on 11/11/11. o.O
pretty awkward huh? what can I say??

Just so you know yesterday was the first day of SPM, and...... I...... screw it in Malay paper 2 !!
whaaaaaaat theeeeeeeee heckkkkkkkk was I'm doinggggg?!!!!
I've already lost >12 marks in paper 2!! I didn't have enough time to finish/answer all the question in section 2 due to wasting too much time in the section 1 !! It cause me to shed a tears after submitting the unfinished answer sheet.DANG! dammit! Why can't I just hold it till I got home?! Fuck Off!
Arghhhhhhhhhhh!! I'm so devastated right now! :/ I would trade my soul just to retake the test! AHAHAAH
But that would never happened in reality. I just had a bad day thats all. Sooner or later it will end instantly.
One more thing! I'm not going to get ceramic braces instead I'll get damon braces. 12/12/11 will be the date I start wearing braces and SPM will be over in 30 november !!

Academy of Art University

Received another mail from Academy of Art University :)

I'm interested in medical & surgery and graphic design photography.

I'm indeed of scholarship in pursuing my studies oversea.

Class of 5.2 High School 2011

I'll be graduating high school this December

Time go by so damn FAST

from minutes turns to months;

Last month I was taking my mid-term examination, This month I'm about to sit the SPM exam.., Next month I'll be finishing and graduating high school.
I can't wait to have a college/university life, yet I'm kinda nervous & worry to sit the SPM examination. :S

I'm screw in CHEMISTRY & ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS. I barely even pass in these subjects, I'm afraid that these subjects might cause affect/effect in my future. I don't wanna mess up my academic.. That is the last thing I wanna do in my life right now. I need to improve my grades in ICT, Malay, Physic, Biology, Chemistry, Add-Maths, History, Moral and maintain my Aces in Mathematics and English.

I'm planning to made/create a year book for my last year of high school. I don't wanna lost all the memories that we have just because time go by so fast and our memories slowly fade away..
It might sound old-school but I think I really wanna do it for the memory class of 5.2 high school 2011. It might not exactly a book, but its more like a scrap book or journal or something that is sort of similar to yearbook.

In additional, I'm thinking of pursuing my studies in medical. I'm interested in becoming a MD. I'm would like to continue my studies in Foundation in Science or A-Level. You might think it's a tough course but I think its worth it to try for it. Moreover, I'm thinking about graphic design / photography as another optional course because its also one of my favored  fields that I'm in-to. 

TEEHEE.. :D give me some luck !!