I'm feeling a little peculiar

Till this day, I still can't decide what I want. I do exactly know what I want, yet I'm have no idea what exactly I need. 

For everthing that I've done, I'm still trying to figure out where's the destination that I'm heading. 

Coffee and Cigarette

I like coffee but I don't drink it everyday, only during weekends or sometime.
I didn't drinks coffee for breakfast unless it is necessary.
I didn't drink coffee at night but it doesn't make any different because I'll still stay awake.
I don't sleep at night and I'll drink coffee to avoid eating/taking too much food & dessert in the middle of the night or early in the morning.
I sleep at 3 or 4 am everyday and that doesn't make me an insomniac.
Smoke occasionally.
 

I don't know nothing

Nobody actually look like what they really are on the inside. You don't. I don't. People are much more complicated than that. It's true of everybody. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

I may not have lots of people to talk to. Not a lot of people are worth my time. Yet all the hope I want is, if you stay, stay for forever. If you go, do it today. If you change, change for better. And if you talk, please make sure you mean what you say. If you don't mean it, don't say it.

Maybe its okay to cry. Whatever happens, keep smiling. Just keep going on. It hurt when you have someone in your heart, but can't have them in your arm. Little did you know I adore you most, its not him but its you..
You can't force feeling, I realized. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the one you love.

I don't blame self if one never understand me. But one thing for sure I know is, You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don't stand at the door, you're blocking the traffic.

Alone Together

NO...! I didn't mean to be such mean, okay?!

It just that I don't know why, why is everything have to be so mess up right now?
I can't be sure that if I may pass all the examination that I'm having this time.
I don't wanna mess up this time! I'm dead serious I don't want to be underestimate by anyone around me.
I don't want my social life to mess up with my academic.
yeah.. yeah.. yeah! I'm trying! please just please give me some guidance I need a shoulder to lean on. I might not be the perfect one out of everything but I'm trying to be the best that I could.
I'M trying my best. I am not going to give up. I'M good enough. I still have a long walk. I can do it. I WILL DO IT. Maybe not today, or this week, or this month but someday I will get it.

Day by day side by side I need to surround myself with positivity and nice people. I can't survive in this life with 'your' kind of people trying to bring me down. Yet no matter what happen I'll keep on trying to survive in this universe even with the memories that you have left behind with unfinished ending

I might like you, but please give me some time. I'm having a hard time to define what is 'love'.
What was it like when you are in love with someone..?
How do you know you are in love with someone?
I'm asking you because I'm uncertain whether this feeling that I'm having is love or just some ridiculous temporarily crush.
I have no ideas what are you trying to tell me.
I hope you willing to stay by my heart guide me on discovering this new adventure.

But never mind.. I'm willing to let you go so, suit yourself its your choice
All I can do now is just seduce you with my kind-heart.
I didn't miss the opportunities you just giving up on me too soon that's why you miss the chance of having me. Just Goodbye.

That's the best for now, even its kinda tear my heart a bit.., but I have to accept that you belong to someone else and you aren't the one who is willing to stay with me for a lifetime.
and I don't blame you for that and I accept life's karma what's the best for me even if its really devastated for me to accept the truth
 
p/s: I should have focus more in my study ehh..
and I don't even know what am stressing about now -.-'

Mess up

Time go by so damn fast..
Now that I'm in college, I still kinda sorta have no idea what was really going on with my life
Am I doing it right? Did I made a wrong decision? Did I choose the right pathway? Will I be regret with the decision that I've made? Am I going to keep hanging on wondering what if I choose it differently? I'm full of curiosity..

Some say that college life is  pretty cool and great.. yeah, yeah.. yeah.. I can't denied that college life's is kinda interesting yet it wasn't really 100% all are awesome if you didn't find or associate with the right society/people. Hahahh

One thing for sure to keep in mind while enjoying life as a young college freshmen are.... remember that grades and studies doesn't give a fuck if you are tired energetic smart-ass or some kind of genius genetic mutation. No matter what, grades still differentiate whether you have the potential to become Bill Gates or some lame-ass rich bastard.

Discrimination happened everywhere every-time anywhere you are, just because they said they are opened-minded doesn't mean they really are! It's a LIE. Maybe some of them doesn't really show it and you can't really tell that if they're discriminator or not because they really good at hiding it, which are great hypocrite yet deep sown inside in the bottom of their heart actually THEY ARE JUDGING YOU BASED ON YOUR GRADES, TEST & EXAMINATION MARKS!

Basically my life is pretty good right now.. I got love I got life and that's enough for now. Keep on having faith; we feel sorrow we feel pain but there's sunshine after rain. I'm alright to believe in that.

All I want to say for now is just thank you.
you were mine once :)

Andy Love You Stellyn
ALYS means; Just in case if you'e been wondering for so long.
Thank you for nothing

Almost 18

I'm in the process of growing up

I get to do as many mistake as I have to,

I learned from my mistake.

I don't have the best out of everything in life 

I'm just good at making the best of everything that life brings along

And someday, I hope that my curiosity will be replaced by something beautiful 

        

I need fantasy not reality, I have enough reality all this years

I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me

I'm 153 cm instead of 160 cm

Weight 47 kg instead of 45 kg,

I'm almost 18 y/o instead of 8 y/o.

I'm 50% Chinese + 50% Kadazan Dusun 

Instead of 50% Redhead + 50% Eurasian

And I'm Asian  

It's already December.

It's funny how day by day,

Nothing changes But

when you look back.

Everything is different.

It's funny how I just don't care anymore

And I'm just a kid. Who grew up way too FAST!

Conclusion = Time does fly. 

p/s : I'm addicted to 9Gag :P

 

November 2012 is gone

I didn't blog much, or... did I?
As I mention in my last post, in early May 2012 - July 2012 I'll be attending the Malaysian National Service Training Program a.k.a PLKN (Program Latihan Khidmat Negara) and that's one of the reason why I've been MIA. ;P TEEHEE  

Truth to be told... After I participate and join the program, I slowly start to change my perception & perspective about the program. As I've said before, I thought the program was sucks, waste of time, boring and worthless.. But in the end its all turned out to be just fine! It was delightful and fun. Just so you know, I've learned a lot things and gain some knowledge plus trillion zillion of experience about camp life during the program. Not just  knowledge and experience I've gain but I also gain tons of new friends from different culture and background such as Orang asli malaya, Thai-Chinese, Pure malaya chinese, Murut, Bisayah, Melanau, Bajau darat/laut, etc.

 If you give me one more chance to participate or join this program once more, definitely I won't waste it. Ahah!